If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
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