Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
Can you bring me the toilet please
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
Randomize
