This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
Randomize
