why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
Randomize
