fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
it's like iHOP with fire
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
false alarm, still single
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
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