I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
Randomize
