After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
Randomize
