Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
Randomize
