Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
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