Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
Randomize
