walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
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