I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
I can't turn off my feet"
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
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