And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
Randomize
