What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
Randomize
