My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
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