your room smells of hookers.
And success
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
Randomize
