found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
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