Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
Randomize
