do you think it i'm gay because i was in a 3 way lastnight?
well not if you dont touch the other dude and concentrate on the chic
what chic?
I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
Why can't burritos get me drunk
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
Randomize
