And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
Randomize
