hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
did i walk over a car last night?
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
Randomize
