Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
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