That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
Randomize
