how do flat chested girls get laid?
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
Randomize