I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
Randomize
