How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize
