Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
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