The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
you are hot. that is all.
who is this?
the delivery driver from silvermine.
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
Randomize
