I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
The Olympian is in my bed
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
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