I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
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