last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
Randomize
