Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
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