The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
Randomize
