I thought you said his peep was too small
it is but i have no money and nothing is on tv until 7 when americas next top model comes on.
a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
Randomize
