I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
Randomize
