this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
I made him laugh his dick is mine
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
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