You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
Randomize