it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
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