the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
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