can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
She just used a chaser for red wine.
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Randomize
