Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
And the cops told us we were all naked.
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
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