watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
protesters in toronto definately have the best pot
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
You took a bar mat shot.
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
Randomize
