True but thats because hes a fetus.
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
Randomize