wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
It doesn't have to be a walk of shame...just pretend he took you to breakfast.
No one shows this much boob at breakfast
I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
why does every cop we meet know your name?
Randomize
