There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
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