Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
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