I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
I fill condoms, not promises.
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
Randomize
