your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Randomize
