I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
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