every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
I stole a fireplace last night.
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
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