i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
sooo i think when i get back from rothbury i should probably take a pregnancy test
but you would be showing by now. i'd just save the money and wait for a large crap in 6 months that starts crying. then you'll know.
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
Randomize
