He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
Randomize
