Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
I'm like, not good at living.
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
Randomize