so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
Randomize
