then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
Randomize
