Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
I'm thinking we should try to start remembering stuff we do. Althought I kinda like feeling like Nancy Drew the next morning.
More like the Hardy Boys cause its kinda like a team effort.
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
I can't trust your balls anymore.
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Randomize
