is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
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