he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
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