ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
Randomize
