feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
Randomize
