Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
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