If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
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