Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
Randomize
