toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
so that wasnt chicken after all
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
Randomize
