I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
Randomize
