u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
Randomize
