Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
the gays at disneyland are vicious
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
Randomize
