I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
Randomize
