This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
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I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
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