you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
so how do you plan on seducing my econ TA?
by telling him that he has a large supply and that i demand it...in my mouth. it shows him that i'm slutty and that i pay attention in econ
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
Randomize
